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Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just playing. I'll put'em back when I'm done.
Rating: G
Synopsis: Living in close quarters can sometimes cause frustrations.
"Fekkik!"
"Who the hell are you calling a fekkik?"
"You. I'm calling you a fekkik. You always get us in trouble. Always!"
"Oh, yeah? Well, how about you? You're always babbling on about this and that and when it comes down to it, you don't know shit. So why don't you just shut up?"
"Frell you!"
"That's your only response to everything, isn't it? Well, guess what, my queen, things are gonna change around this boat. I'm not taking this crap any more."
"Like you would know how to get on alone out there. You'd die in a microt. Or get captured by the Peacekeepers again. I'm sure your little girlfriend would love to have you back."
"You just had to bring that up, didn't you? Well, you don't even care, do you? Hell, I could be floating out there in space with no air and no food and you wouldn't even think about me twice."
"You are incompetent, stupid and totally and utterly annoying. So go. Get in that death pod of yours and see how far you get."
"—"
"What's the matter, little man? Did I step on your feet?"
"Toes! It's called 'step on your toes'. Damn! Would you stop trying to use expressions you don't get right anyway?"
"Why the frell should I? I do what I want."
"That's right. You do what you want. You don't give a shit about anybody else."
"Yeah, fine, whatever. You are so frelling stupid it makes my head hurt."
"—"
***
"Frell! They're at it again."
"Yes. I have noticed."
"What do you think they're fighting about now?"
"I have no idea. We should stay out of it."
"Oh, yeah, of course, oh-high-and-mighty Captain. They're our friends, aren't they? Shouldn't we try..."
"NO! You're staying out of it. You only make things worse."
"The frell I will."
"—"
***
"It makes my teeth ache."
"What?"
"You usually say 'it makes my teeth ache'."
"So?"
"So nothing. What are we fighting about?"
"—"
"I can't remember. That's why I'm asking, you know."
"I don't know either."
"This isn't the first time this has happened, you know. Usually, fights are a sign that something's wrong. So, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Who says it's a sign?"
"I don't know. Some shrink on Earth said that. Probably Freud or someone like that."
"What the frell is a 'shrink'?"
"Someone who deals in mental disorders."
"Ah! You have a lot of those on Earth, do you?"
"What? Shrinks?"
"No, mental disorders. That would explain a great deal."
"Oh, so now you're calling me crazy?"
"Yes, I'm calling you crazy. You are, you know."
"Yeah, well, you're not too sane either."
"—"
"So, are we making up or are we going to fight some more?"
"Why? Do you like fighting?"
"No, I don't. But you Peacekeepers seem to thrive on it."
"Frell you!"
"Ah, here we go again."
"No, we're not. I'm not having this conversation."
"You can't not have this conversation. We're talking here. You can't just get up and walk away. It's not fair."
"Who gives a frell?"
"I do. You're leaving me hanging and you're getting damned good at it, too. Alex would have nothing on you."
"Who the frell is Alex?"
"My ex."
"Your ex what?"
"Ex-girlfriend."
"—"
"What are you moping around for? It's not like I'm seeing her any more. Besides, you don't have a lease on me, so ..."
"Why the frell can't you talk so I can understand you? You are not making any sense."
"Oh, and you are?"
"Hey, guys."
"Hey, Pip."
"Am I interrupting something?"
"No, Chiana. Go away."
"Ooh, someone's a bit testy today, huh? What's the matter? Didn't get a good frell last night?"
"CHIANA!"
"I'll frelling kick you out the closest airlock, you little..."
"Aeryn, no. Just leave her be."
"Don't you frelling tell me what to do, hoo-mahn!"
"Oh god, here we go again..."
ANOTHER ARGUEMENT
"I did not say that!"
"Yes, you did. I distinctly heard you say that."
"Na-ah, I did not. No way, no how, man. I don't say things like that."
"But I heard you."
"In your dreams, big D."
"I do not dream of such things."
"No need to get offended. It's only a saying."
"You have too frelling many of those sayings."
"Oh, like you don't?"
"I do not, no."
"Bullshit!"
"Anyway, you did say that and there is nothing you can do to change it."
"I do not say stuff like that. And least of all to her. She would break my neck."
"Luckily, she was as fahrbot drunk as you when you said it. If you are lucky, she will not remember."
"CRICHTON!"
"Uh-oh."
"I would say that she does remember."
"And you're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Immensely."
"D'Argo, the next time I open my mouth, feel free to shut me up."
"CRICHTON!"
"Gotta dash. Later, dude."
"Running will not help."
"Like hell it will."
"—"
"Where is he?"
"Who?"
"You know frelling well who I mean. Where is he?"
"I haven't seen him."
"Liar."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Yes, I am. I heard his voice. Where the frell did he go?"
"Aeryn, he did not mean to offend you."
"Offend me? I will take this out of his hide. Frell, I will kick him out the closest airlock. Frelling human. FRELLING HUMAN!"
"He will not come back as long as you are angry with him."
"Frell that. I'll find him."
"—"
"What the frell is going on?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing, huh? Then why the frell is our resident Peacekeeper hunting John?"
"He said something wrong to her."
"He always says something wrong to her. I don't think you can say anything right to her."
"He compared Moya to a harem."
"What the frell is a harem?"
"A place where one male keeps many females as his wives."
"And she didn't kill him instantly?"
"No, she did not. She was too drunk and appeared to think it was funny at the time."
"But she doesn't any more?"
"No, she doesn't any more."
"Frell. He must be tinked. There's no way she'll let him get away with saying something like that."
"I know."
"—"
"There you are!"
"Oops!"
"Stay where you are."
"Nope. Sorry. I don't wanna have my ass chewed off because you're pissed off at something I don't even remember saying."
"Frell you!"
"Likewise, I'm sure."
"Who the frell do you think you are?"
"Who do you think you are? I'm not the one going through the roof over some stupid drunken remark. You know very well that I didn't mean anything by it."
"Frell that. You meant it. I know you did."
"Can we talk about this?"
"No!"
"OW! Would you cut that out? I'm not your personal punching-bag."
"I am nobodies female and I am nobodies wife. Do not presume to know what I want."
"OW! Stop it!"
"No!"
"Aeryn, come on. I'm sorry, okay? Even though I don't remember saying it, I'm sorry. I didn't ... UMPH!"
"I don't frelling care what you did or didn't mean. I am not Hynerian. I do not enjoy being treated like that."
"I didn't do anything. It was a joke, okay? Just a joke."
"You told everybody there that Chiana and I were part of your harem. Who the frell do you think you're kidding?"
"I did not!"
"You did too."
"Oh, Jesus. I didn't ..."
"Yes, you did."
"I'm sorry. I ... didn't mean it. Honest to God I didn't."
"That little Nebari tralk even thought it was funny."
"Strangling me isn't going to accomplish anything."
"It will. It will give me the satisfaction of making sure you never say something like that again."
The End